Race for the Cure

I'm a really bad runner.  I have NO clue what possessed me to do the "Race for the Cure" for/against breast cancer next month.   For my race, I'm making a list of women who have suffered/fought/however you see it,  with breast cancer.  My mom tops the list.  She had breast cancer twice, and ironically, it was colon cancer that killed her.   If any of my new friends on my new page read my blog and would like to post a name for my list, I promise I will run with that list in my hand.  I hope I don't end up running with a phone-book sized list, but I'm sadly expecting that I might. 

Good Parent or Mean Mom? The Jury is still out.

I have always been a no fun mom.  I'm paranoid she's gonna get hurt, killed, snatched, or something else even worse.  I have a strong sense of realism and know that someday I'm going to turn her out into the real-world and expect her to function as an adult I can respect.  So imagine how mortified I was when we were walking home from the store and she tossed her grape stems on the street in front of some random house.  We doubled back, but in a sudden loss of memory, she couldn't find her trash.  I swear, it is a good thing we were in public or I probably would have slapped the flippant little bitch.  We were just around the corner from our house.  I told her to run home, and get her butt in bed and hope that I calmed down before her brother and I got there.  So, now it's not yet 4pm, she is in bed for the day, and I am throwing out some of her toys to make a point about how it hurts when people disrespect our property.  I'm not throwing out a lot, mostly just the Mr. Potato Head set that has been a thorn in my side from the day my husband wasted $20 at Costco on it. 
     I'm livid with the kid still.  Really??  Just throwing trash on somebody's yard???  She's luck I only grabbed a grocery bag to toss her toys into.  Or am I just being mean?

My Mid-life Reorganization

My Ongoing Evolution. 

Last summer, my husband was on a long tour.  Most of the time, he’s gone for a few weeks here, then home for a week or so, then back to the road.  Last summer was 3 months straight.  We had survived that kind of time apart before, but last year it broke me.  I spent several days practically chanting “I hate my life”.  Finally, I realized that something had to give, I couldn’t keep going that way.  I tried to figure out what I could do to change my situation.  I felt trapped.  It seemed like every direction I could think of to turn in, there was a very valid reason stopping me.  I wanted out.  I wanted a change.  I was bored, restless, lonely, and completely phoning it in as a mom.  Somehow, while I was paying attention to the kids, the house, the yard, my husband and everyday life, I had lost myself.  That is so not like me. I don’t know how it happened.  I can only imagine it happened slowly, over time.  That’s just so not me. To top it off, now that I have checked back in to me, I’m not the same person I was last time I checked.  What I want has shifted.  I decided to go back to school.  I decided to quit smoking.  I decided to finally loose that last ten pounds.  I decided to be selfish.  It’s sort of an early mid-life crisis.  Now that I am over the crisis part and into the changing part, I prefer to think of it as my mid-life reorganization.  I still have times where I slip back to the way I was before.  I don’t eat right, I blow off exercising,  I drink more wine than I have allotted calories for.  Some of those lost pounds have now been found again.  (It seems like no matter where I loose them, they are never far behind me) It’s all an ebb and flow thing.

      I’m not a fun kind of a mom.  I hope that when my kids are old enough they understand that I love them and the only way I could keep from hating them was to start loving me again. 

     I thank God everyday for my husband.  He has handled all of this like the knight in shining amour he always has been.  I don’t know how he does it.  He’s my biggest supporter, even from thousands of miles away.  

 

                         

cause it's funny

Wall Photos

Life, the economy, and other shit that screws with me.

So, even us hand-to-mouth bottomfeeders know that this economy sucks.  It's costing me my "unwilling surrogate" mother. 

     When she moved in across the the street we were just neighbors.  As we talked, we discovered that her daughter and I were born the same summer.  One awful day, when I was missing my mom so much that I could NOT get it together, no matter how much I tried,  I showed up on her doorstep, crying, with only the choking sounds of " I-just-really-miss-my-mom" as an explanation.  Thus, my unwilling surrogate.  She was the first one I showed the pregnancy test to.  (yes, she willingly looked at a pee'd on stick).  She was the one who we called when things got dicey during my second pregnancy.  Now, she's moving to AZ.  Moving in with her real daughter.  The economy here sucks.  This is no-one's idea of plan A.  I want to send a letter to the President.  But this isn't his fault.  Even though I despise my Congressman, this isn't even his fault.  My unwilling surrogate and I have discussed that this isn't even a depression; it's a new low that is going to make us all rethink how we deal with life.  I cannot even begin to explain how much I do not want to have to think about anymore than I already do.  Is anybody else tired? 
     So, here we are.  Please share the stuff that makes your day-to-day life easier, laundry schedules, recipes, coupon tips, etc.  Feel free to ask for help with what hinders your existence.   Some days I just need to vent.  Some days I need to have a  wine-date across the "net".  Some days I have a great moment where our church pastor has some great way of looking at things that makes me feel less crazy.  Some days I find some new nail polish that has both the 6yr old and I ridiculously pleased.  If it can help, it's valid is a philosophy of mine.  So, who has what to share?

My first Blog

Wow, so I have this idea that I need to share everything all in one dose.  Ask anybody who knows me and they can tell you that it's a bad idea.  If you count pregnancy, I've been a  mom for just over seven years now and at least 4 confirmed kids.  In reality my daughter is 6 1/2 and my son is 2 1/2.  I am a stay at home mom and my husband frequently travel, leaving me alone w/ too much for my feeble little brain.  Daily I think that I am not a good parent.  Daily, I think that my kids are going to turn out better than most of their peers.  I struggle with being true to me, and being a responsible adult.  I write this in hopes of getting like-minded folk to share ideas and support a new idea of "functional family".  I cling dearly to many (not all) of the ideals I was raised with.  I cannot be my parents, and, as much as I love them, I do not want to be them.  In a nut shell, that's why I'm here.  There are more fractions to explain, like my new jogging obsession, but, that has to wait till at least next hour.  Thanks folks~