well it *seemed* like a good idea

So I don't come off looking very good in this one, but I think it's useful information to share so here goes: As a lot of you know, my back/hip has been all shades of messed up recently.  I haven't been able to run since mid March.  I finally figured out the cause of my distress; removal of a plantar wart.  Yep, that's the ugly truth.  That stupid wart showed up when I was maybe 10 yrs old or so.  As far as I clearly remember it has just always been there.  I was like 24 before somebody told me what it was.  So of course, I probably should have had the thing surgically removed, but I tried most of the over-the-counter remedies to no avail.  Last fall I read an article about wacky home remedies that really work, one was duct tape will get rid of warts.  So having invested hundreds of dollars in wart removal aids in the last 15 years, I spent the $3.79 of a roll of hot pink duct tape.  Well no shit, it works!  But what I hadn't counted on is that I changed the structure of the bottom of my foot.  I've been walking around on that damned growth for like 30 years and in just a few weeks I made to go away.  Oh Hell my back and hips HATE me.  It will get better, but for now there a a lot of visits to the chiropractor and acupuncturist in my near future as the rest of me adjusts to the new walking surface.  How ridiculous is that?

My weight; time to stop the sick yo-yo.

As many of you know I am unhappy with my current weight.  In thinking of what I will need to do to lose the weight I realized that never in my entire life have I been in "maintenance mode".  When I am at an acceptable weight I start playing a sick game of 'how low can you go'.  Last time I was serious about losing weight I had a secret goal of becoming underweight.  So what always ends up happening is that I get tired of dieting and I give up entirely and gain everything back.  This time I gained everything and then some.  I don't know why I do this to myself.  I just realized that this is what I do.  I recently read that a BMI of 22 is ideal.  The closer people are to 22 the healthier they tend to be. At the moment I sit solidly 20 pounds away from that and while that is a long term goal my short term is just to lose 10 pounds.  Maybe settle there for a while.  See if I can stay at that weight.  I have to stop the pattern of up and down and learn how to settle.  That will be a new thing for me.  In the meantime, I'll keep running, maybe get back into the toning/weight work.  Try to just "watch" what I eat as opposed to my usual obsessive calorie counting, and cut out the alcohol calories and see what happens.  Now I just have to not obsess.  That will be a trick in it's self. 

OK folks, you're gonna have to bear with me. This is my new "cause". It's my kid's school-or Your kid's school-or Every kid's school. It's an idea we're trying to promote because it fills a variety of needs.

Please Join Us For [Chaos's] 7th Birthday Party! Saturday, February 18th from 2-4pm at the Ice Arena, Blah blah. Chaos asks that instead of gifts for herself this year, she’d like her friends to each donate a small item to their classroom that can be shared by all. On a day where we, her parents, celebrate how much Chaos has grown, we think it’s a great idea to contribute to the school and the teachers who’ve helped her come this far. Miss Teacher’s wish list is below. We’ll have a special box at Chaos’s party for your classroom gifts. Miss Teacher’s wish list includes: Colored pencils-sharpened, please Glue sticks (Costco has good deals) Watercolor paints Big & medium paint brushes Thanks So Much For Helping Please RSVP To the loving but inept mom.

I ran the numbers, I found colored pencils on sale for $2 a box. Glue sticks were 3 for $2 as well. If the parents of each kid contributed just $25 my kid's teacher would have the supplies she needs.

 

If you've read this far, please tell me what you think and if you would consider doing this.  Thanks!

Religion MIGHT just be bad for kids

This morning, as I sat in a class/meeting on officially becoming members of the church we have been going to, I had an interesting self-realization that led me to the idea that maybe we're (the greater "we") hurting our kids with religion more than we are helping them. 
     I was raised Catholic.  Ideas about religion and faith were presented as "this is what we believe".  Everything was pretty black and white.  I can only imagine that the religion worked for my folks.  They never once gave me the idea that anything else was acceptable.  "This is what we believe" or you're wrong was pretty solidly the impression I got.
     Now I am a grown woman.  Sometimes I feel as if I have at least two personalities.  The me I show to the world, and then that insecure me that few people see.  The insecure one is the larger of the two, but she has so freaking many insecurities, paranoia(s) and phobias that darned few people get to see her.  And even then, if I let people see all of my insecurities I fear they will lock me up and throw away the key.  Sometimes I think maybe they should.
     So, all this comes together when I realized this morning that Catholicism never worked for me.  I remember making my first communion (age 7) thinking that the whole thing was more that a little weird.  How was this not cannibalism?  (really, Catholics believe that it is actually the body and blood of Christ wrapped up in a little miracle each week just for them).  And I just didn't believe it.  As I grew up and learned more, went though more and more of their rights of initiation, the more I felt like I was drowning.  I didn't believe this crap for an instant--and there was no way out.  We lived across the street from our church and the school associated with it.  EVERYONE I knew was catholic.  I didn't dare ask anyone else if they didn't believe.  I just knew that even though I wanted to believe, I just couldn't.  As soon as I could get out, I did.  But I realized this morning that I carry a whole world of insecurities simply because I grew up not believing in God the "right" way. 
     Shortly after we started attending the church we do, I had an "ah-ha" moment:  your church  shouldn't define who you are or what you believe, your church should help you express what is already in your soul.  And as much as I love my new church, I vow to be open to the idea that maybe this isn't the place where my children feel they belong as adults. And don't get me wrong, I will make them go to church, but I will never teach them that every other church and faith is wrong.  Because just like I knew I didn't believe in Catholicism, I do believe that God has a place for every faith. 
     This morning I figured out why I carry so many insecurities.  Now that I know why, it's time to start finding ways to dump them.  Thanks