My weight; time to stop the sick yo-yo.

As many of you know I am unhappy with my current weight.  In thinking of what I will need to do to lose the weight I realized that never in my entire life have I been in "maintenance mode".  When I am at an acceptable weight I start playing a sick game of 'how low can you go'.  Last time I was serious about losing weight I had a secret goal of becoming underweight.  So what always ends up happening is that I get tired of dieting and I give up entirely and gain everything back.  This time I gained everything and then some.  I don't know why I do this to myself.  I just realized that this is what I do.  I recently read that a BMI of 22 is ideal.  The closer people are to 22 the healthier they tend to be. At the moment I sit solidly 20 pounds away from that and while that is a long term goal my short term is just to lose 10 pounds.  Maybe settle there for a while.  See if I can stay at that weight.  I have to stop the pattern of up and down and learn how to settle.  That will be a new thing for me.  In the meantime, I'll keep running, maybe get back into the toning/weight work.  Try to just "watch" what I eat as opposed to my usual obsessive calorie counting, and cut out the alcohol calories and see what happens.  Now I just have to not obsess.  That will be a trick in it's self.